Illustration By Holly Randall

In a couple weeks, the names of sex offenders employed at or attending the UA will be posted on a Web site so that their identities will be available to anyone who cares to know. I'd hoped that we would ultimately realize that additional punishment after sentencing and rehabilitation would be unjust and invasive. But apparently, we're willing to throw out privacy in the name of perceived public safety.

Well, if that's the case, I'll tell you what: There are a few other people around here I'd sure as hell like to know, and I think we should have Web sites exposing all of them.

First off, who here's been convicted of murder? Armed robbery? Can I get a show of hands, please? What, is everyone too ashamed to let us know who you are and where you work? Well I'm glad to see it, because you should be. And I fully intend to remind you of your missteps on that winding path called Life; all it takes is a citizen's self-proclaimed right to know and some Internet savvy.

If you've robbed a gas station, you won't blink at stealing my favorite pen, even though you know very well that it's mine and not yours. I want your names so I know not to lend you my stapler in class. I'm pretty sure that if I did, I'd never see it again.

Sabrina Noble Columnist

And if you've killed once, you'll kill again. I don't want the next victim to be the inhabitants of the turtle pond, or even myself. I want to know your name and spot you. I want to see your face and note how it looks different from mine and my friends', so that I can be sure that, if I run into someone like you in the future, I will know it in time to avert disaster. I want to know, you understand? I just want to know.

It seems like so much tragedy could be avoided with just a little sacrifice of privacy. Now let's see · if you're a criminal, and I'm not öö well, I think we can all guess who's going to be paying the price for the greater good. Or rather, paying the price first.

You say that's unfair? You say I'm driven by irrational fear?

Well, well, look who's got an opinion. I guess you should've thought about that before you stole that guy's wallet when you were 14 and had to put in all that community service. I only hope it was worth it.

Also, I want to know who has what sexually transmitted disease. I want an itemized list of each malady, followed by names, just so that when I go into the bathroom, I know not to sit on the toilet seat you just used, covered with your invisible but vividly perceived cooties. I want to be able to go to a party without having to worry myself nearly sick that I'll get gonorrhea when I shake someone's hand.

In short, I want to feel safe, and if I can easily spot you by your red and mortified faces (if you even dare to come to class anymore), then that's all the better.

Most of all, though, I want to know who the hell has been sticking their gum under the goddamned desks. It's not just peppermint anymore, either, but also that wintergreen stuff and some sort of "very berry" nonsense. You know who you are öö and soon we will, too. Your contempt for your fellow students generates a veritable minefield out of seemingly safe, everyday objects.

Of all assaults, this is the most insidious, the most cowardly. I can only surmise that your next step is to plant bombs beneath our seats. You pose a risk to national security, and I will have none of it.

I am the Terrified American. I am surrounded by myriad nondescript threats I wish I could somehow predict or prevent. As such, I demand safety even at the expense of everyone else, with the obvious "bad" people going first.

Be warned that a Web site that will strip citizens of their privacy, dignity and individuality may only be the beginning; if necessary, I will take additional steps for the illusion of security.

Then, all I'd have to think about are the innumerable, shadowy figures whose names I do not yet know, who have yet to strike. Yes, there will always be those ·

But I'm not trying to save the world here öö just myself.

Sabrina Noble is a senior majoring in English and creative writing. She can be reached at lletters@wildcat.arizona.edu.