photo courtesy of dimension films Jenny McCarthy and Pamela Anderson, two of the screen's most cherished and respected actresses, star in "Scary Movie 3."

Sometimes poo is funny. But "Scary Movie 3" isn't poo, it's complete shit.

And shit is never funny. It is messy and stinks like a banshee.

After "Scary Movie 2," I didn't think it could get much worse. But they got rid of all Wayans Brothers and hired David Zucker and his buddies, who made the "Naked Gun" movies.

This gave me some hope for the project. After all, it's fairly fun to see spoofs and the horror genre is so easy to parody. The flick would be worth the price of admission even if only half of the jokes worked.

"Scary" has only three good jokes, and two of them are in the trailer. Now if you take the number of jokes attempted, 194, and divide that by three, you get the worst crap I've seen in years.

But you can learn from a film like this. I learned that Pamela Anderson has her gigantic breasts back, Leslie Nielson is no longer funny and priest molestation jokes are not tasteful.

The film tries to parody movies like "Signs", "The Ring", "The Matrix", "8 Mile" and "The Others." With each movie, they add characters getting kicked in the groin and black stereotyping to make it a hilarious spoof.

I don't want to try and explain some sort of plot. It's really only a bunch of skits about the aforementioned movies.

Now you might be saying to yourself, "Self, this critic is a total pretentious asshole. I mean, he just said 'aforementioned.' "Scary Movie 3" is gonna be tight."

First, I'm not smart enough to be pretentious. Second, I love immature humor. Read this article, I don't attempt to explore the boundaries of wit. I'll hit you with puns and other stuff I steal from my 11-year-old brother.

If you feel the need to see "Scary Movie 3" from the previews that look somewhat funny, please remember that you are also supporting "Scary Movie 4," "Scary Movie 5" and the prequel that will inevitably follow.

It's already too late to stop the next one, which was given the green-light after a $50 million opening weekend for "Scary Movie 3."

But please try to stop the madness before number five. I'd rather see "How High 2: Even Higher!"