Kevin Smith

View from a soapbox:

With all these wars, new unknown killing diseases with no cure, Michael Moores and George Bushes about in the world today, I wish to implement a long lost hippie-ideal that could do us all a favor: free love.

I'm not talking about having sex with whoever is to the right or left of you (although that might aid in this effort). I'm really talking about easing back a little. Take a look around at those people who you have been busy overlooking for the past semester and a half. Acknowledge that other people might exist outside your comfort zone and may actually be of some benefit to you.

London:

Probably still calling, but my phone's been shut off because of the tuition hike.

France's Chirac, Russia's Putin and Germany's Schroeder:

Like the highest-ranking members of an elite "Dungeons and Dragons" after-school club whose dates for the prom tragically hover somehow just out of reach.

Saturday night's Club Crawl:

There's nothing like Cadbury Eggs to cure a nice Easter Sunday hangover.

Clicking the "back" button on Student Link, getting the "Warning: Page has expired" message and having to re-sign-in:

At the heart of what is wrong with the world today.

Dead head:

Somehow attached to the child abduction-focused AMBER Alert Bill, the "Rave Act" ÷ or the Illicit Drug Anti-Proliferation Act ÷ holds the venue owner/event promoter/organizer responsible for any illegal third-party, real or alleged, drug activity at concerts, festivals, nightclub gatherings, etc. The act was passed both in the House and Senate on April 10. So basically, say goodbye to · having a good time, really. Two questions remain: 1) Is John Ashcroft really a Terminator-type half man, half-cyborg engineered by the U.S. government for the sole purpose of efficiently exterminating terrorists and hippies? 2) Didn't "1984" pass 19 years ago?

Fictional Pro-Rave Act congressman:

"Let's see, this country is not yet uptight enough to the point where their eyeballs bulge from their skull like Dubya's mom. A faltering economy, terrorism alerts, war and diced foreign relations are good, but still not enough! How can we begin to make it so every man, woman and child has a stick up their ass as big as the one up my own? Hmmmm · Ouch! I've got it!"

Deep Blue Something:

Still waiting for that comeback album.

Student "luxury housing" communities that pop up everywhere:

Did these things always exist or are we just a generation of spoiled brats?

The cash-money millionaires:

Scooping my ice cream in 10 years.

Rocker Tommy Lee's claim of innocence:

Stemming from a little boy who drowned in his pool, at his house, during a pool party for his children. The high cost of low living.

Ongoing UA construction:

Sure, I'll give you more tuition money · but only if you first approve two years in advance the building of multiple monstrous housings and mystery structures of which I'll never see and/or use AND add something that will give every university in the country a case of student union-envy. Is Likins overcompensating for something?

The Arizona Adult Film Festival:

Coming soon.

Tucson's lack of street lights:

Making "meeting someone in a dark alley" more than juxtaposition.

Watching war coverage now:

Like tuning in to an endless Super Bowl post-game wrap-up show. Minus John Madden of course.

2004 presidential election news coverage:

The calm before the storm ·

Finding the new Radiohead album online:

Everything is going to be · O · K.

The Vines canceling their Rialto show two weeks ago:

The who did what now?

College journalists writing opinion columns that shamelessly mimic "The Spin 20":

Happening.